What happens when a teenager becomes a victim of date violence?  In eleven states, not much.  For the rest of the states, very little is done to assure those who do come forward to obtain restraining orders.  They’re afraid it will be reported to their parents, teachers or anyone else, for that matter.  Teenagers are naturally secretive, especially when it comes to their parents.  According to national statistics, one out of three teenagers will become a victim to physical abuse at the hands of their boyfriends or sometimes their girlfriends.  The level of abuse is considered everything from a slap to the face to homicide.

The problem comes in because of the gaps between domestic violence and child abuse.  These kids aren’t being abused in their homes, so it’s hard to charge domestic violence, yet they’re also not victims of child abuse, at least in the more traditional definitions.  It’s proven many would come forward and request restraining orders, but fear prevents them from doing so.  The thought of a sixteen year old signing charges and then appearing in front of a judge is overwhelming and more than enough to keep them far away from that option. 

It’s long since been established that domestic abuse continues its cycle: children who witness abuse often grow up to choose an abuser to marry or become an abuser themselves.  Certainly, this isn’t an inclusive statement, but for those teenagers who are witnessing abuse in their homes, it’s even less likely they’ll confide in their parents. 

Only one state currently has laws written that address minors and their ability to appear in court without the presence of a parent or guardian.   For many other states, the domestic abuse laws don’t protect teens because they’re not married or co-habitating.  Further, there are some lawmakers who dismiss this as “kids being kids”.  But Break the Cycle, a violence prevention agency that focuses on teen violence, believes lawmakers will become more willing to introduce legislation once teens become more litigious and demand new laws.

In the meantime, teen violence continues to rise.  The eleven states that don’t recognize this as a serious social issue are: Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Kentucky, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah and Virginia.

The entire report on each state can be found here.

Should defamation be a civil or a criminal issue?  If you live in Colorado, it’s a crime.  You should also know an antiquated law that hasn’t been revised since the 19^th century is applicable to those wishing to unleash their rage on anyone they choose. 

A man posted an incredibly hateful rant about an ex-girlfriend on Craigslist last year.  What he posted included accusations of child abuse, welfare fraud and even went so far as to accuse her employer, a lawyer, of being “crooked” and being in a paid sexual relationship with the ex-girlfriend.  This has set the stage for a battle over the law, the annihilation of the 1^st Amendment  and questions as to why the law hasn’t been revised before now.  What’s not clear is whether or not this law’s existence on the books is an overlooked mistake.  It appears as though Colorado left it on the books for a reason.  And if that’s the case, it very well might be the other 16 states have left those same laws on their books for a reason too.  A Georgia communications professor says these prosecutions are like using “a sledgehammer when a scalpel would do the same trick”.   Maybe.  But sometimes sledgehammers are appropriate when dealing with thick skulls and shortsighted people.

Playing the devil’s advocate for just a minute, I can understand how some allow their mouths to overload their…well, they allow their big mouths to get the best of them and too many times, people speak before thinking it through.  But the vulgarities this man spewed on this public message board go so far beyond petty bickering.  His references to her sex life, as well as the accusations of child abuse, go so far past “talking smack”.  It is criminal.  And yes, I realize this goes against everything we cherish in this country, even though that’s not my intent.  I think common sense must kick in at some point with a focus on the potential damage to this woman and her child (not to mention her employment status).  If she hasn’t abused her daughter, consider what she might face having to disprove that accusation.  Her daughter is now in jeopardy of being removed from her mother’s care.  His accusations stand to affect more than just his target.  Imagine the trauma to this child if worse case scenario plays out.  Further, what if the employer is married and this causes unnecessary problems?  Don’t get me wrong - I don’t know if what he said is true, but what I do know is if he believed his own rants, why not go through the proper channels?  If he believes this child is being abused, there are other ways of ensuring the little girl’s safety.  His lack of consideration doesn’t have her best interests at heart.  Clearly, he had less than stellar intentions.  Unfortunately for him, they hit their mark and he’s now found himself facing a criminal trial.  His bad choices have resulted in a set of his very own mug shots at his local police department. The fact this woman chose not to pursue civil remedies is also telling.  Of course, that could change, but regardless of what happens in criminal court, this should serve as a reminder that just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

You will respect me!

Do those words sound familiar? Maybe a blast from your childhood? My sister and I can evoke the evil eye from my mom to this day with a perfect imitation of her words from our childhood: “You don’t have to like me, you don’t have to love me, but you will respect me, young lady! Do you understand me?!” Oh, make no mistake, we definitely understood. We were more afraid of Mom than Dad. Mom could never be manipulated. She was on to us from day one.

With so many people who believe spanking should be outlawed, this debate will continue and everyone has an opinion, including those in the psychology field. In fact, it’s the psychologists and behavior analysts who are most vocal in their adamant beliefs against corporal punishment. The general consensus is that it impedes emotional growth and leads to adult depression and low self worth. I doubt that. My self worth is just fine, thank you very much. It suffered no ill effects from childhood spankings. There was a time kids had a healthy respect for teachers too. Well, unless you were my sister. One teacher broke a ruler on her butt, which led to two rulers being taped together to serve the purpose and ensure baby sis got her just desserts, although it’s not clear anymore which rule she’d broken since at one time or another, she’d broken all the rules. In true form, she’d had a bellyful and commenced to taking the taped rulers away from the teacher and broke them after the first lick or so. This, of course, triggered the phone call to Mom. Let me say this: I’d have preferred five rulers being taped together or recess taken away forever than to have my mom come to the school for something like this. It didn’t matter if a teacher had shaved our eyebrows off, glued our hands to our desks and forced a kid to eat the mystery meat from the cafeteria - we knew parents and teachers were on the same side. Period. The double ruler episode was no different. As spirited as my sister was (and still is), she knew she didn’t have a chance once Mom showed up and took the teacher’s side.

With so many TV shows showcasing a British nanny’s approach to discipline, it seems as though there’s another way. But for every family who allows a camera crew and an assertive nanny to come into their homes for a week to show these desperate parents another way, there’s thousands who don’t have that option. More times than not, when an exhausted and defeated parent says, “I just don’t know what else to do.”, I find myself thinking “Yeah. Maybe you don’t, but I do.” That’s a bit disturbing to me since screaming kids who kicked and threw things at their parents like these just didn’t exist in the 70s when we were in elementary and jr. high school and on the rare occasions it did, parents sure didn’t expose it to the outside world because that meant the parents lacked strength to keep their kids in line. And “timeouts“? Yeah, right. That’s a new word exclusive to current times. Timeouts back then referred to something a referee yelled at a ballgame. And God forbid we back-talk. Our “smart mouths” were by far the worse thing to display. As kids, this resulted in (and in this order): the evil eye that told us we were in for it, followed by the finger directing us to step right “here” and do it now, and that was followed by, “Young lady, you can assure yourself that once we get home, that little stunt you just pulled has guaranteed a spanking. Now you get back over there and behave yourself.” And finally, it ended with our heads dropped and sulking back to wherever we were before we’d dug the hole we were now in.

Most states are vague regarding corporal punishment. The laws seem to be worded differently, and honestly, some are open to interpretation. And surprisingly, many states still allow physical discipline as an option for teachers. Most states have wordings such as, “excessive punishment” and “physical injury” but don’t really make the distinction between abusive and disciplinary.

Tennessee’s law has this statement:

Permits criminal charges against a parent/guardian/custodian who administers “unreasonable” corporal punishment which causes “injury” to the child. Sec. 39-15-401 [Cr.]

California’s law has this statement:

Serious physical harm does not include reasonable and age-appropriate spanking to the buttocks where there is no evidence of serious physical injury.

Delaware’s law reads:

Force is justifiable if reasonable and moderate and by parent/guardian/foster parent/legal custodian/other similar person responsible for care and supervision. Intended to benefit child.

Keep in mind, these are only very small excerpts. Many feel that the lack of spankings and basically, a lack of discipline as a whole, have led to the problems with kids of all ages. I don’t know that I agree totally with that, but I do think it certainly plays a part. And the answers won’t be found in this post, but what I can tell you is that because we were raised in a home with very definitive roles (Mom was Mom…we had a lot of friends, but she wasn’t one of them. She was too busy being a mom) and clear expectations of what the rules were and the consequences of breaking them, we’ve suffered no ill effects.

In a time where child abuse cases are daily happenings in courts across the country and are analyzed on every primetime news show, it’s clear there’s no balance. The laws should be written to provide clear and definitive definitions of what constitutes child abuse, which is a crime, and less about what defines responsible discipline and parenting. And for what it’s worth - the evil eye counts as responsible discipline - and quite effective, at that.

Family case that drew most interest from Family Lawyers at lawyerahead Inc.

Business case that drew most interest from Business Lawyers at lawyerahead Inc.