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Could it be that the big mystery is finally solved over who fathered Rielle Hunter’s child?  Maybe.  Several media outlets are reporting a secret DNA test was performed on a bit of John Edward’s biological matter and it proves with certainty that he indeed fathered this little girl.

This is all happening as a federal grand jury is deciding whether or not hush money was paid to Hunter two years ago as well as who knew about it if was paid.  Both Hunter and Andrew Young have testified over the past few weeks.  Young is the one who took the fall when the story broke and announced he was the father of this child, despite the potential of jeopardizing his own marriage.  That was his last public appearance and statement since 2007.  Even as he approached the courthouse, he had no comment over his role in this cover-up, if there was one.  Lawyers for both Young and Hunter have said their clients are fully cooperating in the investigation.

The grand jury is investigating whether campaign funds from Edwards’ run as the Republican candidate for vice president were used to pay Hunter to keep quiet about who fathered her now-two year old daughter, Frances.  It’s also seeking to find out the truth about whether or not payments for “videography” were legitimate.

This, of course, reopens the question of what Elizabeth Edwards might now do.  Many have said she was simply waiting for confirmation before filing divorce papers.  Other, however, insist she intends to stand by her man.  This has all taken place as she’s struggled with cancer.

If the grand jury determines the money given to Hunter was done so illegally, Edwards could be facing jail time.  Even worse, the good deed he convinced Young to do could also land his former confidant in jail too, even though that’s unlikely.

There are reports Edwards will be making a public announcement about his paternity.  In the meantime, all eyes are on the missus and are waiting to see what she does, or rather, what she doesn’t do.

In a time when families across the country are tightening their financial belts and modifying their household budgets, many marriages are suffering the consequences. Some of those consequences, unfortunately, include divorce. But what do you do when job losses and lack of money is one of the primary reasons for the break-up of a marriage? Divorces cost money and sometimes, a lot of money. Frankly, when there’s a shortage of funds available to pay household bills, it’s difficult to justify the costs associated with obtaining a divorce. As a result, many couples are incorporating what’s known as arbitration.  Arbitration allows couples to come together and agree on the division of assets, as well as child custody and visitation issues. Taking this avenue is beneficial in a number of ways. Many states have seen a surge in divorce filings; as a result, when couples come before judges and are seeking the dissolution of their marriages, they’re hit with the reality of not being able to conclude the proceedings in one day. They must reschedule later hearings to determine who receives what, child support issues, visitation and financial considerations. These issues often simply can’t be determined in a single hearing. Further, subsequent hearings are rarely scheduled for the next business day; and in fact, most often aren’t even scheduled within the same week. Clearly, this can be a painful process for both parties. But when two people, who’ve shared a part of their lives, can come together and find that “happy medium”, it can often mean the difference in closing that chapter with a bit of peace or walking away with painful memories, anger and a lot of bitterness.

From a legal standpoint, attorneys agree that when mediation and arbitration attempts are successful, it eases the burden on the court system and usually saves both parties a substantial amount of money. When attorneys have clients who are attempting to remain focused and with a reasonable and fair approach in all matters relating to their soon-to-be ex-spouse, it allows them to more effectively represent their clients.

Law firms routinely employ those who can successfully oversee arbitration efforts and can remain neutral as couples work together to find solutions that are advantageous for both parties and especially for any children they share. Further, choosing this avenue allows for a quicker resolution with both sides feeling as though each received a fair settlement. Divorce is an incredibly painful process and it affects the entire family. Anytime a couple can work together, even as they’re taking steps to dissolve their union, only ensures less pain for those closest to them and fewer expenses for the couple.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month and is as important an issue as healthcare and the economy. The statistics are disturbing, to say the least.

Domestic violence is the number one reason women visit the emergency room

• Health costs for treating victims of domestic violence are nearly 6 BILLION dollars a year.
• Women account for 95% of domestic violence victims
• More than 5 million women are physically abused each year.
• Nearly 1250 women are murdered annually due to domestic violence.

Violence in one’s home affects others outside the home. 95% of abused women experience problems in their jobs, 74% are harassed while at work, 56% report to work late and more than half of all victims lose entire days due to their desire to hide injuries.

Pregnancy increases the risk of abuse and the long term effects on children who witness violent abuse on a parent is substantial and forever alters their lives.

If you find yourself in a situation that threatens your life, take measures now to protect yourself and your children. The first step might be to have a judge issue a restraining order. This is important because once the order has been violated, your local police are better positioned to arrest the abuser. If you’re married, now is the time to contact a lawyer to provide legal guidance. You will want to take measures to protect your children and make your wishes known should the worst case happens. Filing for divorce should be a priority as well. If you have children, your lawyer will be able to petition the court for an order that will require your spouse to begin making child support payments.

It’s incredibly difficult to pick up the pieces after having endured abuse for any amount of time. But it can be done. In fact, women and men find the strength to walk away on a daily basis.

Your first priority is to put as much space between your abuser and you. Many times victims feel safer relocating to a different state or at least a new city. If that’s not an option, you will want to change the locks and if there’s anyway to include the purchase of a good security system in your budget, it’s strongly encouraged.

It is simply never, ever acceptable to allow someone to abuse you. If you need help, there are many resources available, including the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Resource Center.

There appears to be a renewed source of tension in many divorce cases that include child custody and other issues parents must work out for their children. As if divorce isn’t stressful enough for everyone involved, in many of these cases, everyone’s trying to “win”. Part of these strategies include punishing everyone, namely the in-laws, by preventing or severely limiting time spent between grandparents and the minor children.

Because human nature is so ego-driven at times, too many choices and decisions are made based on fear. A wife who has left a marriage for reasons known only to her and her husband can sometimes surf right through an amicable settlement in terms of dividing assets, the home, the membership at the country club and hundreds of other materialistic things, including the miniscule details of who gets the flatware. Just when the husband and wife decide they need to patent and bottle the magic that got them through these energy-depleting actions without committing a felony, such as homicide, as well as the recognition of the material things being, well…material, suddenly find themselves as panicked as the folks on the Titanic were. It gets worse from there.

There are a few across the board statements that can be assumed by this time. First, these are the same two people whose hearts skipped a beat after the first kiss years ago and they’re also the same ones who, when they eloped to Vegas, believed with all they were that this is who they would be growing old and wrinkled with. They’ve struggled through lean financial times, grieved together at the death of a parent, survived medical scares and learned to accept the fact she’s fanatical about no dust being on the baseboards and his near-obsessive attitude towards some football or baseball….hockey - anyway, there’s a team he’s obsessed about. The point is, these two people moved forward in the life they’ve built -complete with little ones. You would think some of this would rise to a conscious level that would prevent them from converting into bitter tunnel-visioned people on a mission to devastate the other. But there it is. And “it” includes the feelings and hurt hearts of their children and their respective parents.

It’s no secret that many wars continue between daughters in law and mothers in law long after the judge declares they are no longer bound together as family. And don’t even get me started on the over-protective father who can’t seem to remember his thirty year old daughter is also a thirty year old adult. The fact is, though, these are all traits related to that phenomena called “parenthood”.

All of this builds up and erupts between these adults, with none ever being completely right, and the babies stuck right in the middle. Why are we OK with allowing these little ones to see their father, when complaining about his mother in law, swearing he’ll kick the old bag’s teeth in if she comes near his kids or overhearing Mom insisting Dad’s mom is a greedy , credit card collecting, gossiping and closet drinker and who will only be allowed to see her grandkids when hell freezes over? Is it that easy to forget this is the same woman who, for a week after her first grandbaby was born, was there to drop off dinner at six, kiss that new life and promptly excuse herself because she understood how important time spent alone between mother and newborn is? Or what about the time she stood up for her daughter in law at the weekly bridge game when an unkind insult was overheard? It’s no different for the men, either. The same man who insisted his son in law is a jackass also happens to be the same jackass who got out of bed at 3 a.m. to run across town when someone tried to break into his in-laws’ home.

Unless there are things happening that are deal breakers in the grandparents’ lives, why are the grandparents the ones who pay a price for a marriage they had no responsibility in keeping together nor breaking up? Each state has its on laws, although many are open for interpretation and are vague at best. The laws should protect the little ones, not the adults. Some of these custody battles we’ve seen? There’s no law that can protect them from themselves or each other.

It’s an amazing sight to see when we approach someone, knowing there has been bad blood, and knowing both parties are tense…and then to see it magically fade away with one simple and sincere and kind comment. It makes no difference if it’s a simple, “Hi. You doing OK?” or if it’s a sincere apology for nothing more than allowing things to get out of hand. Even if there’s no desire to become tight family members again, why can’t it be just sincere enough to mend the hurt feelings so that the kids never feel as though they have to choose loyalties?

After all, if a parent spends all this time dictating who’s in and who’s out when it comes to their kids’ lives, the only thing accomplished is a court taking it out of the parent’s hands and turning it around so that it’s anyone BUT them making the decisions.