October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month and is as important an issue as healthcare and the economy. The statistics are disturbing, to say the least.

Domestic violence is the number one reason women visit the emergency room

• Health costs for treating victims of domestic violence are nearly 6 BILLION dollars a year.
• Women account for 95% of domestic violence victims
• More than 5 million women are physically abused each year.
• Nearly 1250 women are murdered annually due to domestic violence.

Violence in one’s home affects others outside the home. 95% of abused women experience problems in their jobs, 74% are harassed while at work, 56% report to work late and more than half of all victims lose entire days due to their desire to hide injuries.

Pregnancy increases the risk of abuse and the long term effects on children who witness violent abuse on a parent is substantial and forever alters their lives.

If you find yourself in a situation that threatens your life, take measures now to protect yourself and your children. The first step might be to have a judge issue a restraining order. This is important because once the order has been violated, your local police are better positioned to arrest the abuser. If you’re married, now is the time to contact a lawyer to provide legal guidance. You will want to take measures to protect your children and make your wishes known should the worst case happens. Filing for divorce should be a priority as well. If you have children, your lawyer will be able to petition the court for an order that will require your spouse to begin making child support payments.

It’s incredibly difficult to pick up the pieces after having endured abuse for any amount of time. But it can be done. In fact, women and men find the strength to walk away on a daily basis.

Your first priority is to put as much space between your abuser and you. Many times victims feel safer relocating to a different state or at least a new city. If that’s not an option, you will want to change the locks and if there’s anyway to include the purchase of a good security system in your budget, it’s strongly encouraged.

It is simply never, ever acceptable to allow someone to abuse you. If you need help, there are many resources available, including the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Resource Center.

Has anyone else noticed what appears to be an incredibly high divorce rate in Hollywood? Well, it’s Hollywood. And yes, it’s open for interpretation, especially when it seems these folks go to great lengths to hide aspects of life that all of us are affected by at some point. Teenage pregnancy, bankruptcies, and even the occasional trip over their own feet - which, by the way, I happen to be an expert at. But the divorces….now there’s an interesting topic, not because we enjoy seeing human weakness and grief, but because we seldom DO see it. Those basic human emotions are reminders that we’re alive and kicking, that we have souls that grieve and recognize loss. I’m fully aware that these are very intimate emotions and most of us grieve in private. So why do we hear and see the materialistic aspects of these divorces? Or better still, why do we see the vulnerabilities in everyone involved in the divorce EXCEPT the hubby and his Mrs?

A perfect example is the red hot divorce that’s on the horizon for Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez. There’ve been claims of affairs with Madonna, accusations of the kids being held hostage for a more appropriate divorce settlement and just downright meanness. It seems there is invariably one spouse who feels slighted because the settlement includes 42 million dollars instead of 61 million dollars. How do you spend that kind of money in one lifetime? And what exactly does one thinks happens to the money after death? Are they anticipating a BMW dealership in Heaven…or Hell or whatever one believes happens after…well, you know…after.

I know what’s coming after these next few sentences, but here goes. The spouses who are holding out on signing divorce papers usually are the wives because they feel as though they’ve “sacrificed” a part of their lives for their husband’s career. Did their wedding vows include being tied to a radiator during the course of the marriage? You have to live your life and if you have a husband (or wife) who provides monies for the luxuries of the easy life, just what exactly have you sacrificed? When do all of these extravagancies, month long vacations, diamonds, titles for twelve estates and anything else money buys go from “living well” to “sacrificing”? Even more disgusting is the fact that the kids are always, without fail, pawns in this selfish process.

Just go through some of the more recent divorces - Paul McCartney and Heather Mills (I’m not even going to comment on that one!), Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Terry and Linda Bollea (Mr. and Mrs. Hulk Hogan) and my all-time favorite: Donald and Ivana Trump. The common denominator is money.

I have an idea. Since there seems to be a belief that one’s worth is based on the settlement, I believe I’ve come up with a solution. This will also provide a lesson for some of these misled people. To prove that one doesn’t need 79 trillion dollars a month in spousal support and can actually build a very nice life on far less, how about a workshop aimed at rebuilding self-esteem after having lived through such a traumatic marriage that was filled with sacrifices? It can be a small workshop with only a…let’s see….a ten thousand dollar fee, we’ll invite a hundred recently divorced, tragedy-ridden, botox stuffed Hollywood-ites. Take the fees and then use that windfall of money to show some of these people that you don’t have to sacrifice and that believe it or not, one can actually make solid financial decisions and investments on such a diminutive amount of money. They’ll emerge as far more confident and independent people and I’ll have a nice paycheck for one afternoon.

I realize my tone and I am making light of it. On a serious note, why aren’t these people listening to their attorneys? If I found myself in a very public divorce where there are millions at stake, if my lawyer says to me:

“There’s too much greed, manipulation, hurt feelings, hatred and spite. You need to slow down, consider your kids and work on trying to get through this with a little dignity, some decorum of maturity, a little patience and tolerance and PLEASE…learn how to bite your tongue!”

I believe I’d listen. At some point, you have to put it in perspective. Lose the focus on how many millions you stand to gain, but instead, focus on the knowledge that you most likely will never have to struggle financially, college is covered for your kids, you can travel, you can volunteer…but another three million dollars added on to a fourteen million dollar settlement just isn’t going to matter ten years from now. And if it does, then you’ll know it wouldn’t have mattered anyway - if you can blow millions that quickly, you’re in far more trouble then than having to face a judge now.